what is this post about? absolutely f***ing everything

Been a while since i last posted on this site. Sometimes with life, it's hard to remember things like this blog. But, plod on i must!
Life has definitely changed so much lately. I go to the gym almost religiously now. I do press-ups and sit ups all the time at home. I seem to want to get in good shape and i will get there. I am not fat, in fact most people say i look built. But, i know the truth, i look good, but i can be better.
Hell yeah.
Looking at my last post, it seems a little naive. I still drink... duh duh duuuuhhhhhhh!
But, i do it in moderation. I think i will obviously one day succumb and drift back into it, but i will tell you something, i'm gona try my damndest to stop that ever happening!
Life, it's been pretty cruel lately. since i quit my last job, i have found it hard to get back into work. But, i still try. Who knows what is around the corner.
It sucks though, I have always been the nice guy doing people favors and doing work for family members etc. Like recently, i did my brother a lootttt of favors doin work for him, puttin a hell of a lot of time and energy into getting his business up and running. But, when i ask them (him) to pay me what they pay others (have paid others in the past) for the same work, they fuck me over and dont pay me anything. What can i do? It's family and i tell you something i'll never risk relationships with my nephews and nieces over something as paltry as money. If i wanna see them again, i unfortunately have to put this behind me. it hurts, but i love them like they're my own kids........

Since my last post, the major thing that has affected my life is i am no longer with my girlfriend of seven years :( it didnt work out, i don't know what to think of it. I don't want to go into it in any detail, but in all honesty, I can't think of a more influential couple of months in my life in the last six or seven years.
So much has changed. I don't even care about things like poker anymore. In a way, i feel awakened. I want to better myself, get in shape and be successful. It's like being in limbo sometimes, i can't understand the things going on around me. I find myself questioning everything, my religion, my faith, my family, my life, my future. I don't fear silly things like death anymore. DON'T worry, I'm not some weird internet loon looking for attention before killing oneself. Fuck that bullshit, i ain't no selfish fucking coward.
Anyways, back to point, in a way, things look good and bleak at the same time. I'm 25, fuck knows what the fuck is gona be gwaning in the next 25 years, but one things for sure, in the words of ma nigga 2Pac - if i'm still living, ima be straight motherfucking balling.



ah well, i dont know where this post was going, i just saw an empty void since the last post and figured i better do something about it.
Like i said earlier tho, im still plodding on...